OK: Where to begin? Yesterday was the beginning of my "butterfly year"...as much as I hate to admit it. Kimmie is right. This has to be my butterfly year. This is the year that I get my life in order. I have a job interview in the morning which I am super nervous about and that I went and spent a good bit too much money on an interview outfit for but Kimmie said that it was a necessary evil. Sometimes you have to spend money to make money right? If I get this job I won't have to worry about anything again as soon as I am working for this company.

And since this is SUPPOSED to be a writing blog I might as well tell everyone what I have started writing. My life story. I don't know if anyone will believe it but I have taken control. I refuse to let the actions of the past control my life anymore, refuse to let anything that may have happened make me scared any longer. I am no longer a child to cower and hide. I am coming out of my chrysalis. I am a butterfly...much to my chagrin.

Much needed update

I have been moving. Been so busy with this moving and figuring out the bus and all sorts that I have not been able to get my internet sorted yet.

But I have been writing. My doctor is falling for my main character but I might have her kill him. Not sure yet. Does he deserve to die? Does she deserve to kill him? Should someone else die in his place? Can that be offered? As long as the kids allow, I can play god. It's a wonderful feeling. Creating and destroying with just your two hands, ten fingers and your brain and your heart. Crafting love scenes, using words to hurt and main and destroy right after you have used words to comfort and heal.

I have been asked by a dear friend NOT to do NaNoWriMo until we can do it TOGETHER. November is a bad month for BOTH of us and neither of us are ready to take on this task yet. Her work is sooooo busy that month and I will HOPEFULLY be getting to grips with a new job and setting up my apartment the way that I want. Not sure if will even have net access at the time. I hope so. But I have to decide if I will do NaNo or not. It is looking like a not this year.

Words come when we need them most.

Has anyone else but me ever noticed that words come to us to be read or heard when we need them most? When we need to be reminded that we are not alone in this journey. When we need to be held words come that do the same things that arms do. Words written by others touch our minds and our hearts in ways that most people can only imagine. We as writers have been given a true gift. We can also use our words to do the same thing for another. Sharing your battles with one another, sharing your hardships and sharing your joys. Sharing your tears and your strength with another that understands can be so cleansing. So amazingly wonderful yet so....so difficult as well. Sometimes to help to heal another we have to open up our little "boxes"...open them up and throw away the key so that they can never get locked again. It hurts..hurts so badly that most of the time we can not stand it. I see it as a give and take...but really we take more than we give because when we help to heal another, whether it be through our words or deeds, we start to heal more ourselves. At best it can be an even swap. At worse...well...we can be left in a puddle lying on the floor.

Remember that...no matter who you are or what you have been through...we all have that one person who will lift us up, dry our tears and help to put us back together again. If you understand this post them you speak the language, the secret language that so many of us share and that shouldn't even exist. Or you know someone that does and through them have learned the secret language. One day it won't have to be secret anymore. One day everyone, all across the world, will stand up and demand to be heard. Wait til you see the literature that will come streaming when that day comes. I, for one, can NOT wait! That day is long past due.

I know this hasn't really been a writing blog but it has. It has because writing is a from of using words...one of the most powerful and the most deadly. But it can also be the one that pulls you up when you are feeling do down that you can't see how to face another day. Especially when you find those that understand.

Lost updates to follow...are they really?

Hiya..>I'm back again. For how long though? I really don't know. Trying to get the handle of this blogging thing but I was never one to keep a diary because it was never private. I would write all my thoughts down as poetry or as spells and hide them away so that no one would find them. Oh well, I guess I have to get good at this blogging thing so that an annoying little sister stays off of my case.

This 14/7/1 contest is over. I know I need editing, a lot of it. I'm not kidding. Try writing a decent story in the space of two weeks using seven different SETS of prompts. And having a character that changes gender on you in the very beginning of the contest. Well, maybe not at the beginning of the contest, but right before it opens he decides to have a sex change and become a she.

Right now I am sitting here with a Kaos-ian hell hound behind me, his "master" freaking him out by jumping all over him. Not sure what I mean? Check out my portfolio -----------> and check out the folder "Natalies Back Story".

I wanted to kill my character off...but wanted to use her in the actual book. Not sure what I wanted to do but she refused to die. I stabbed her with a gigantic soul-swallowing sword but no dice. She just would not die. Why is it that they all want to live, no one wants to give up their lives? I know of another author that wanted to kill their character but another character said "No. No she can not die. I forbid."

Since when do characters forbid you to do something to them? Since when do they have final say? When they threaten you with silence that is when. When they threaten to not say a word unless you tell THEIR story THEIR way. It can get rather annoying when you have one ending written and you have to scrap it completely since it is not what they want to happen to them or to anyone around them. They are in charge. We merely write. They dictate. We take dictation. Does anyone else feel that writers are nothing but mere secretaries?

Wow...what's up with me not updating?

Ok: Where have all my updates gonnnnnnnne? I have been writing, only wdc blogging because I have to *scowl at mireyah* and only blogger blogging at the tree-house because I promised. Still doing the prompt based contest and it has been so much fun.

So far the prompts have been:
Chapter one: Bar, Hole, Chore or their synonymous words in the first chapter
Chapter two: Three pieces of dialogue.
"Everybody is watching?"
"Who is everybody?"
"Just some people."
I used THIS one to introduce the fact my main character hears voices in her head. Natalie has been talking to me lately through these stories and I have been SO excited!!!

Chapter three: Leather (any way you want it), name any specific animal, name any specific food.

Food has been air popped popcorn and used two animals. A cow (leather skirt lol) and my Gay Hubbies new almost 6 year old rotti named Kaos. We rescued from a pound (well, they did, I'm just Auntie Dis) and he makes an appearance in the chapter as a hell hound. "My name is Kaos and you're gonna die". Then my Natalie faints (yeah, the bitch fainted!!!)

I wonder what's next...and can HARDLY wait!

Makes sense why Nathan wouldn't talk....

Nathan not a Nathan. Nathan a Natalie. Writing HER back story for the 14/7/1 contest and I think I am doing a decent job. Surprising the heck out of me but I guess that MS Word closing down on me, since it was a free trial and I didn't realize that, was a good thing. It gave me a chance to clear the air and to actually relax and focus on letting my character tell her story and not me forcing it to come out. I hope it turns out alright, I really do. Either way I am enjoying the challenge and the opportunity to break out of my poetry. Don't get me wrong...I love my poetry..just glad I have the chance to do something else now..

Keep an eye on this space,
Dis over and out!!!

OK: This is getting silly.

I want Melody to talk to me and let me write Nathan. No dice. Dis keeps running rampant in my brain. I have entered at least 3 poetry contests in the last 48 hours and one short story contest. That's it. I don't do contests. I don't think my work is good enough. *le sigh* Does any writer ever think that their work is good enough? Got a tweet from Rachel Caine and apparently she doesn't. What is going on here people? Where have all the novelling muses gone? Are they all out drinking at a bar somewhere, hitting on the local wildlife?

Got a review for a brand new piece that I wrote in abab rhyme scheme with 11 syllables per line syllable count. I spent a great deal of time on this piece. Poured my heart and soul into it. Took over an hour JUST to write it and then an hour JUST to syllabilize it. Who knew it would take so long? The review said: "is this poem freeverse" with a less than perfect rating. I don't mind the less than perfect rating but tell me why it was less than perfect for you. PLEASE! If you do not understand the difference between abab metered syllabilized rhyme scheme do not dock a piece JUST because you don't understand it. Come on now people. If you are new to the area/site/whathaveyou, ask questions. Don't just go rating/reviewing willy nilly.

Sorry for the rant but it has kinda upset me. I wrote the piece, cried during the writing and cried myself to sleep after the writing....how much more emotional do you need people? Here, I'll cut open a vein. Will that make you happy?!?!?!?