Thursday, October 29, 2009

New post. 10 days later. Trying to get better ....but.....

In the last ten days I have:

*Gotten a hair cut;see picture:) Was down to middle of my a whole new style!
*Gotten to where I know what I am doing in my job
*Gotten a social life (gods help me now)
*Written poetry...three to be exact
*Re-acquainted with an old flame
*Re-connected with said old flame
*Re-realized what I cared about in that old flame to begin with
*Re-fallen for that old flame
*Spent hours per night letting everything else slide to video call with said old flame(now new flame)
*Gotten my bus ticket to go home for Thanksgiving
*Made plans to see said new/old flame 2 days after Thanksgiving
*Bought almost everything I needed for the apartment, besides a bed and kitchen table and chairs which will be fixed soon.
*Dressed as a gypsy witch with a dirty face
*Realized that everything I had been fretting over doesn't truly matter.
*Impressed my boss and my trainer and my bosses boss.
*Unfurled my wings just a little bit farther
*Been told that I am loved and desired and beautiful and strong and that someone is proud of me. Wishes they could have been there when I had gone through all of my struggles but so proud of me for how I turned out.

I think this has been a good 10 days. Yeah, good 10 days.

Monday, October 19, 2009

So much for what I can't do...heres to what I CAN!

Ok: I know I said my muse was gone and she is. For now. So while I can not write I can do lots of other things.
So, in no specific order: Things that Dis can do!

1) I can hem a pair of pants. The hem may be a little wonky but it will hold and it isn't that instant hem stuff either!
2) I have been exercising my cooking muscles. Every night I am trying a new dish. So far I have totally mastered pork chops in almost all their guises, chicken so much that it almost makes me sick to think about it now. Pastas and anything to do with vegetables are my friends. Have to start baking again but I am so enjoying actually having a real kitchen.
3) I can learn new things, pretty quickly usually. Learning everything new that I need to know about my job, even if I AM having trouble explaining what I know I know that I know. I just have to make sure they know that I know it but once start actually doing my job it should be good.
4) Most of the time I can write, and write well. The fact that I can still blog shows that I still have it in me, just writing more factual or thought provoking stuff than emotional or fantasy. Does that make sense? I hope so.
5) Apparently I am good at putting people at ease. Is that something that a person can do or is it actually part of who they are? I'm not sure but I am adding it here because I do think that it is very important.
6) I can make almost anyone laugh. Whether it be because of a joke I have told or just my wickedly blunt and sarcastic sense of humour I can have anyone belly laughing no matter what their major malfunctions are.
7) I can listen. Not just hear what someone is saying but actually LISTEN to what they mean. I can read between the lines and tell what is really wrong with a person and usually can make them feel better at least for a little while.

This list will be added to in time but right now....right now I think it is enough.....because it has made me feel better about me and about the issues I had with vocalizing what I knew that I knew at work today. It was tough and super embarassing.......but I got through it.........

8) OH and another one:) I can.....look up stuff I don't know about....yeah...yeah that one is important...

Dis signing out...

So trying to get back in the groove....

I'm trying to find it. Lord and Lady above please help me. Sid has lost her groove. Yes, you read this right. Sid has lost her groove to write. I still want to write, I still have Natalies story running rampant in my head, drowning out almost all of the other voices that usually scream at me. It's just...normally I write when I am down and out. Normally I use my writing as a means of escape. Not that I don't LOVE to write when things are good (because I do) but it becomes more of a challenge.

I wanted to have Natalie kill the good doctor. Now I am not so sure....I have started reading (egads) romance novels, not your typical ones but Susan Wiggs (oh my what an amazing author) and I am looking for more like her. I have finally realized that not everything in life has to be doom and gloom and the more of the doom and gloom urban fantasy novels I read the more I realize that a lot of them, even though all well written, seem like they could all go into one series no matter the author. NOT the authors fault, no way. Just the fact there is only so much you can do with dark/gothic/demonic/vampiric etc. After a while it all melds into each other. Well, almost all. I have found a few exceptions to the rule, books that I am itching for the continuance of the series! Stay tuned and if you are good, I just might share.

Sid signing out for now (was this random or what?)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Ok: I seem to be back in action!

OK: Here's the deal guys. I seem to be back in action. I have my internet up and running (no need to go running and screaming now). I have a job where I can afford to KEEP it up and running! I have new glasses, a great apartment, eating good food that I make myself every single day. Gods above how I had forgotten that I love to cook as much as I do.

I need to get back into the Natalie story. She is back in my head, kicking and screaming. Now that I can get online whenever I want to again I can get back to writing her and finding motivation. Hope it works.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Taken straight from my WDC energy to write new...

Another much needed update from a Panaera Bread right next to my new JOB. I feel like such a yuppie sitting here with a cranberry orange muffin and a wonderful healthy berry smoothie, sitting online without a care in the world. It is nice. It is nice to know that I have a guaranteed position that pays enough for me to pay what I need to pay, to pay back those who had faith in me, you know who you are, that I actually make enough money now to feed myself and to pay my rent and just....oh gods....just be a normal person again. Do you out there in WDC land have ANY IDEA how it feels to not know if you are going to have a roof over your head each and every day, do you know what it is like to have your stomach scream at you because you haven't had enough to eat in perhaps a day, a week, a you know how it feels to not have decent clothes when you start out a new job? Do you? Really and truly do you have any idea what I have been through and what I accomplished by getting this job and by someone ( no names mentioned) having enough faith in as a person...not because they had to but because they loved me enough to want me to have the best....? Someone (and I wish I could out this person but I promised I would not) had enough faith and hope in me and love for me to do the impossible...the unimagineable....and I work hard every single day just to make sure that I am worth this faith... Am I? Sometimes I wonder....

That's it from me today but I just wanted to take the time to let everyone know I am alive, hope to have internet in the next week or so, when I get my first paycheck from my new job......

But.....on a writing note: I am still writing Natalie but it has taken a break because, let's face it, with the new job I have been busy and tired when I get home.... I am going to have to get myself back into writing a certain number of words a day again. Start off with something small, say 500 and work myself up. I don't get out my laptop much at home right now as I am sorely lacking the internet but hopefully that will sort itself out soon and all will be right with my world again....let us hope....

Trio of Trouble!